glamaphonic:

pheonee:

quipquipquip:

I tried to write Christmas fic, but this is what happened. There may be more. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

HOW DAN DIDIO STOLE CONTINUITY
Every Fan 
On the Internet
Liked Continuity a lot…
But Dan Didio,
Who frowned at the ‘Net,
Did NOT!

Didio hated Continuity! Whole decades of plot!

(Now, please don’t ask why. He just did, and a lot.)
It could be that he thought only HIS heroes were funny.
It could be, perhaps, that he just wanted more money.
But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But,

Whatever the reason,

His opinions or plans,

He glared at the Internet, hating the Fans.

Staring down from his cave with a sour, Didio frown

At the End-of-Year Forum threads in their E-Town.
For he knew every Fan on the Internet below

Was busy now, blogging about 52 solicits and shows.

“They’re complaining about equal representation!” he snarled with a sneer.

“They’re just so demanding! We have at least two queers!”
Then he growled, with his greedy fingers nervously drumming,
”I MUST find a way to keep Progress from coming!”

For, Wednesday, he knew
All the Fangirls and Fantots

Would wake up bright and early. They’d rush to their local comic shops!
And then! Oh, the reviews! Oh, the crit! Crit! Crit! Crit!
That’s one thing he hated! The CRIT! CRIT! CRIT! CRIT!

Then the Fans, young and old, would sit down to a talk.

And they’d talk! And they’d talk!
And they’d TALK! TALK! TALK! TALK!

They would toast the Fingerstripes and Nightwing’s firm Ass

Which made Didio so angry! DIDIO SMASH!

And THEN

They’d do something he liked least of all!

Every Fan on the Internet, the tall and the small,

Would stand close together, they’d blog and they’d share.

They’d talk about feelings. And damn them, they’d care!
They’d care! And they’d care!
AND they’d CARE! CARE! CARE! CARE!

And the more Dan D. thought of the Fans of the Comics
The more Dan D. thought, “I’ll blame the economics!

“Why, for too many years I’ve stewed on this hate!
I could do it all over—-wipe clean the whole slate!
”

Then he got an idea!

An awful idea!
DAN DIDIO
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

“I know just what to do!” Dan D. chuckled in glee.
”I’ll redo the Comics—-and I’ll do them for me!”
And he chortled and schemed, “Silver Age will return!

Steph Brown, the Flash Fam, and Ted Kord can all burn!”

hacks